Bonding with Baby

The basics of bonding is understanding that babies no matter their species need to bond with their mother upon entering the world. It is something that defines us as humans and will influence our behavior well into adulthood. According to Vimala McClure in Infant Massage: A Handbook for Loving Parents on page 38, studies by Kennell and Klaus show a correlation between the lack of bonding with abuse, neglect, and the inability to smoothly transition into motherhood. Without the necessary bonding babies can become anxious and be unable to create the social interactions s/he need to function within society. On page 39 McClure also states that babies who begin the bonding process within the first hours of their lives breastfeed longer and have higher IQ’s. Often data is represented as breastfed babies having higher IQ scores than their peers, but more than likely it is not the result of the breastfeeding, but of the bonding that takes place from the closeness required to breastfeed a child. If a mother chooses to breastfeed before or at the birth, they do so within the hour (as long as there are no emergencies). This is extremely important as women in the united states often stop between 6-12 weeks.

Unfortunately, the United States is the only 1st world industrialized country in the world that does not provide any maternity leave at all. In order to stay home with a baby the mother has to have enough sick, personal and leave time and then hope their employer will not let them go if they need to go past that time. The lack of maternity leave cuts out bonding at a very important time in a baby’s life. They are just learning how to exist and if they are left with a care giver that is not as attentive as the parents would be, it can create a set of issues that are difficult for the parents to overcome. It is not uncommon to find parents on social media complaining about the quality of service they and their child receive and looking for a different place. For most parents it has to be a balance between cost and what is not just safest, but the best quality overall. It can put a lot of stress and strain on the parent which trickles down to Baby. According to McClure on page 41 studies show that a good day-care can actually prevent an IQ drop, but even so, the parents are the best caregivers.

Infant massage helps with bonding despite the challenges. The thing that babies want and need the most in their first year of life is touch. They need to feel close to their parents. They thrive on touch. If both parents are working and time with their baby is limited, intentional loving touch will keep their bond active. Parents need to hold their babies to feed them, change them, get them to sleep etc. while massaging the baby means their sole attention is on interacting with their baby. If someone observes the interaction between parent and child during a massage, they will notice that the parent talks to and coos at their baby in soft gentle tones while gently massaging their infant. They lock eyes several times, baby reacts to the parent’s touch and the parent visibly relaxes and usually smiles. As an instructor we are teaching parents a way to bring a loving interactive touch to their baby that they miss out on during their time away from each other. Even if it is not a lot of time, it is focused and direct. If they follow through with this even beyond the first year the parents can still establish a bond with their child that can last a lifetime.